The Stupidest Battles of SSB
by Link and Comet
Summary: These are some silly battles that happened and did not happen. But anyway, enjoy them and read and review! *ALL FINISHED*
1. Characters

1 The Stupidest Battles of SSB  
  
Characters  
  
Ryan-Purple Link  
  
Aaron-Blue Link  
  
Kirby  
  
Samus  
  
DK  
  
Comet-Yellow Kirby  
  
Minerva-Green Kirby  
  
Tess-Green Ness  
  
Wess-Yellow Ness  
  
Fox  
  
Mario  
  
Pikachu  
  
Jigglypuff  
  
Yoshi  
  
Captain Falcon  
  
Ness  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Andrea: The Melee version is just our view with the Melee characters. It did not happen.  
  
Lauren: It's just some things added in with the Melee characters. By the way, for the stupidest battles, some of the battles happened, some did not.  
  
Andrea: And for the ones that say a certain colored character, in some battles, all the characters were used and to say Purple Link, Blue Link, etc. would be boring.  
  
Ryan: That's how Aaron, Mars, and the other color team characters came to be!  
  
Mars: WARNING! These battles may be hazardous to your health! They're very stupid and don't make sense! Don't attempt these!  
  
Andrea: You guys sure know how to spark up a boring notice.  
  
Lauren: Whatever. Come on Linky. We're going to write the Melee versions of the silliest battles.  
  
Link: Yay!  
  
Comet: Yeppers! We get the original version!  
  
Andrea/Ryan: Yeppers?  
  
Comet: It's a way of saying yes!  
  
Andrea/Ryan: Oh!  
  
Ryan: And by the way, the list of characters here are only for the regular version, not the Melee version. And this isn't the complete list of color team characters.  
  
Andrea: That's coming to a story near you! 


	2. 5-Way Fox Beat-up

5-Way Fox Beat-up  
  
Andrea: Hi! This is Andrea Kang for SSB News! You know my sister and my pen name is Link and Comet. My part of the pen name is Comet, her part of the pen name is Link. Anyway, let's get on with this story! This was submitted by Blue Anime's friend, Alvin. And don't get me confused with Andrea, whose pen name is Reanda, Imperial Kai.  
  
Comet: I helped with this one!  
  
Ryan: (softly) So did I.  
  
Andrea: Why of course you did! You're my partners!  
  
Lauren: Hey, give me some credit! Link and I did the Melee version only because we were bored and you guys are taking all the credit for doing the original!  
  
Link: That sure isn't fair!  
  
Andrea: I was just saying! Onto the fic! And by the way, the Melee version never happened! It's just retelling the real battle using the Melee characters!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Characters  
  
Fox  
  
Kirby  
  
DK  
  
Captain Falcon  
  
Samus  
  
Yoshi  
  
Fox was being attacked by Kirby from behind. Samus was attacking Yoshi. Captain Falcon went between Samus and Yoshi. Captain Falcon turned around and Yoshi was staring at Captain Falcon. Then Captain Falcon used Falcon Punch on Samus and he turned around again and he punched Yoshi to Fox. Now Kirby was attacking both Fox and Yoshi. DK came out and carried both Fox and Yoshi and destroyed them both.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------  
  
The Melee Version  
  
Characters  
  
Fox=Falco  
  
Kirby=Ness  
  
DK=DK  
  
Captain Falcon=Marth  
  
Samus=Roy  
  
Yoshi=Yoshi  
  
Falco was being attacked by Ness from behind who had him cornered on the Great Fox. Roy was attacking Yoshi on another part of the ship. Marth then went between Roy and Yoshi. Marth turned around and Yoshi was staring at Marth. Marth used Dolphin Slash on Roy sending him flying and turned around and used Shield Breaker on Yoshi, sending Yoshi to Falco. So Ness was now beating up Falco and Yoshi. Then DK came out and Ness ran away. DK picked up Falco and Yoshi. Then he carried them and destroyed all three of them.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Andrea: So, what'd you guys say?  
  
Link: It wasn't too bad.  
  
Lauren: Hey wait a second! Blue Anime said that her friend said this actually happened! The real version, that is.  
  
Comet: So?  
  
Lauren: This looks impossible to happen! How can there be six characters at once? And the battle itself sounds impossible!  
  
Andrea: We just have to ask about the six-way thing. And let's not forget anything can happen. Coming up next, we have another silly battle…  
  
Ryan: Dreamland Pinball!  
  
Andrea: Yes, the title sounds dumb. Deal with it. It's ready to go up, isn't it Lauren?  
  
Lauren: (silence)  
  
Andrea: Lauren? Oh no! Um…people? We're developing some technical difficulties, so stay tuned for more battles on SSB News. 


	3. Dreamland Pinball

Dreamland Pinball  
  
Lauren: I'm done.  
  
Andrea: Good. Then maybe we can finally get onto the story.  
  
Lauren: HEY!  
  
Andrea: (laughs) Hey everyone! Sorry this took so late. My sister and her partner Link got lazy and decided not to do the Melee version. (grins) But I got Justin and Gayle to make her do it.  
  
Lauren: THAT DID NOT HAPPEN! YOU WERE LAZY!  
  
Link: QUIT BLAMING VERYTING ON US!  
  
Justin: We didn't do anything.  
  
Ryan: What are you guys doing here?  
  
Gayle: We're Super Smash Bros. characters too! Besides, you never talk.  
  
Ryan: …  
  
Andrea: Justin! Gayle! This is the original Super Smash Bros.! Go away!  
  
Justin/Gayle: FINE!  
  
Comet: Wow Andrea. I never knew you could get so mad.  
  
Andrea: They make me mad a lot.  
  
Lauren: And you make ME mad!  
  
Link: And me!  
  
Link and Lauren jump on Andrea and fight.  
  
Comet/Ryan: OH NO YOU DON'T!  
  
While the four of them were fighting, Andrea crawls out from under them.  
  
Andrea: Enjoy. This one is called…  
  
Ryan: DREAMLAND PINBALL!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Characters  
  
Kirby  
  
Samus  
  
Yoshi  
  
DK  
  
Samus was charging up with DK in front of her. Then Kirby jumped in between Samus and DK. DK moved out of the way, but Samus stood there and Kirby attacked Samus. Then Kirby went after DK. After that, Kirby threw a crate. Kirby picked up the Poke-ball and threw it. Then someone accidentally activated the Red Shell after Kirby picked up the bumper!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lauren: Wow. Now I know why this is called Dreamland Pinball.  
  
Andrea: We weren't done yet!  
  
Link: Man, sorry!  
  
Comet: You should be!  
  
Link/Lauren: And what does that mean, you yellow puffball?  
  
Ryan: STOP! No more fighting! Stop it!  
  
Andrea: If you guys haven't noticed, WE'RE NOT DONE WITH THE STORY!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The Melee Version  
  
Characters  
  
Kirby=Roy  
  
Samus=Samus  
  
DK=DK  
  
Yoshi=he doesn't really have a part, so let's leave him alone.  
  
Samus was charging up with DK in front of her. Then Roy jumped in between Samus and DK. Because of this, DK moved out of the way, but Samus still stood there. Roy attacked Samus, then he went after DK. After chasing DK, Roy picked up a Poke-ball and threw it but someone accidentally activated the Red Shell after Roy picked up the bumper!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Justin: You know, I can't help but wonder what always happened after this battle.  
  
Andrea: AAUUUGGGH! YOU AGAIN?  
  
Justin sweat-dropped and flew away.  
  
Andrea: (gasps for air)  
  
Lauren: Now you guys know why you don't make my sister mad.  
  
Comet: It's not that hard to calm her down!  
  
Comet walks over and hugs Andrea's legs.  
  
Andrea: (calms down) Thanks Comet.  
  
Ryan: I could have done that.  
  
Link: Sure.  
  
Lauren: NO MORE FIGHTING!  
  
Andrea: We're going to have a hard time trying to stop Link and Ryan from fighting, so our next battle is going to take some time. Remember, this battle is brought to you by SSB News, the one and only news channel for Super Smash Bros. fights. 


	4. Turn-Around and Throw

1 Turn-Around and Throw  
  
Andrea: (sniff) This is it. The last sillies battle here. WAAHHH!  
  
Ryan: But the stupidest battles are coming on next and you guys actually wrote it.  
  
Andrea: Oh right!  
  
Andrea dances around the place.  
  
Comet: (sweat-drop) Okay Andrea. We know you're happy about the stupidest battles. Now let's just finish this up.  
  
Andrea: Okay!  
  
Andrea hugs the nearest person who turns out to be Link.  
  
Link: Auugh!  
  
Lauren: Andrea! Get off my partner!  
  
Lauren shoves Andrea off and Andrea just hugs her.  
  
Lauren: Auugh!  
  
Comet: I'm the one she should be hugging.  
  
Ryan: And me.  
  
Andrea: Okay!  
  
Andrea runs towards them and hugs them.  
  
Comet/Ryan: That's better.  
  
Link: Oh-kay. Anyway, onto the story!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Characters  
  
Fox  
  
Samus  
  
DK  
  
Yoshi  
  
Samus and DK were charging up their attacks, but then Fox came between them. Fox turned around so his back was towards DK. Then he threw Samus and then he turned around again and threw DK. Then Fox started to fire his laser, then he threw his Beam Sword and it hit Yoshi.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------  
  
The Melee Version  
  
Characters  
  
Fox=Falco  
  
Samus=Samus  
  
DK=DK  
  
Yoshi=Ice Climbers  
  
Samus and DK were charging up their attacks. Falco then came between them and he turned around so his back was toward DK. Falco then threw Samus. Then he turned around again and threw DK and started firing his laser. Falco then threw his Beam Sword and it hit the Ice Climbers.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Andrea: That's done.  
  
Link: Ice Climbers? Why them? They're just kids. Do you have something against them Lauren.  
  
Lauren: No. I just felt like putting them in. Who did you want me to put in?  
  
Link: I was sort of hoping you could put Young Link in. He's irritating to me. Oh, and of course, you should have put in Ganondorf!  
  
Everyone stops what they're doing and stared at Link.  
  
Link: He's my archenemy.  
  
Comet: Right. We can remember that. Hey people, this isn't the end so stay tuned!  
  
Ryan: This is going to be great!  
  
Andrea: This is Link and Comet, signing off!  
  
Link/Comet: But we're still here and we're not the authors!  
  
Andrea: I was…that's Lauren and my pen name! Remember?  
  
Link/Comet: Oh, sorry.  
  
Andrea: Let's try that again. This is Link and Comet, signing off until next time. Stay tuned for more battles on SSB News. 


	5. The Stupidest Battles #1-2

1 Stupidest Battle #1  
  
Andrea: Hey everybody! We're so happy you could make it to SSB News for this exciting battle.  
  
Lauren: Now we all know you guys are going to love this! So just wait on for it!  
  
Comet: These battles are really short, so we're going to put two stories in each chapter.  
  
Link: And of course, the occasional comments, by us!  
  
Ryan: Can I talk now?  
  
Andrea: You can talk. You just don't talk much in the stupidest battles.  
  
Ryan: Oh, all right.  
  
Lauren: Now onto the battle!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Kirby is bobbing up and down. Samus was floating and kicking at nothing. Link looked funny going up and down.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Link: Hey! I don't jump up and down and even if I did, I won't look silly!  
  
Lauren: Relax, Link. It's part of the story.  
  
Link: I hope so.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Samus was sticking out her butt. DK was walking around and looked like a chocolate bar. Link destroyed himself with a barrel.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Comet: (giggling) L-Link des-destroyed h-himself with a-a-a BARREL?! MEEHEEEE! MEEHEE!  
  
Link: Um…how did I destroy myself with a barrel?  
  
Andrea: I don't know. That's just how the story goes.  
  
Lauren: Let's go on with the story and see what other insanity arises in the story.  
  
Ryan: I got the feeling that I don't want to know.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Comet grabbed onto the edge, but after holding on for too long, he accidentally fell off. Samus had a beam sword, but she just started swishing it.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------  
  
Stupidest Battle #2  
  
Andrea: Hey guys, this is going to be an interview!  
  
Lauren: How many people do we need?  
  
Andrea: We need three. Link, Comet, and Aaron are going to be the ones we're interviewing and Ryan is busy.  
  
Lauren: Oh great. BLUE ANIME!  
  
Blue Anime: (annoyed) What?  
  
Lauren: We need you to be the third interviewer for this stupidest battle.  
  
Blue Anime: Sure, sure, sure. Why did we start these stupid battles anyway? If you guys had just kept playing, we wouldn't have come up with this!  
  
Andrea: What and miss all the Comet and Ryan and Link and all the others?  
  
Blue Anime: Okay, okay! I get your point!  
  
Link/Comet: Guys! Hurry up! We're already on!  
  
Blue Anime: Here we go.  
  
Andrea: Try to show a little bit more of a positive attitude for the camera, okay?  
  
Blue Anime: Fine.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Blue Anime: Aaron, why'd you throw off the crate?  
  
Aaron: It was in my face!  
  
Andrea: Hi Comet! Why are you happy?  
  
Comet: Aaron let me borrow his hat because I was such a good boy. (to offstage script writers) People, this is Link's hat, not Aaron's hat! Besides, Link and Aaron are still wearing their hats!  
  
Script Writer #1: Just deal with us guys!  
  
Comet: Okay. (grumble, grumble)  
  
Blue Anime: This is dumb.  
  
Andrea: Live with it. We're almost done. But back to the interview. (to Comet) I have clothes you can borrow.  
  
Comet: No. My mommy won't let me borrow more stuff because the hat's too expensive. (to offstage script writers) That made no sense whatsoever!  
  
The scriptwriters laugh nervously.  
  
Lauren: Are you wondering where Link is? For anyone who wants to know, Link killed himself. Then Aaron got mad at Link and Aaron killed Link. Now can you guess what Link's doing? Um…he's jumping up and down.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Andrea: Ha, ha! That was the most laughable battle we ever did!  
  
Blue Anime: That was pointless! You guys pulled me out just for this? I'm going to go work on my fics.  
  
Lauren: I guess we can always pull out Rita of EP.  
  
Comet: She doesn't have any yet, she's still having problem logging in.  
  
Link: (laughs) Stay tuned for the next stupidest battle coming up soon!  
  
Andrea: Remember this is Andrea…  
  
Lauren: …and Lauren…  
  
Andrea: …for SSB News. The only channel to find the stupidest battles of SSB. 


	6. The Stupidest Battles #3-4

Stupidest Battle #3  
  
Andrea: Rejoice everyone! We had a little difficulty with SSB News, but now we're back and better then ever!  
  
Lauren: It appears that we have another interview. But this one involves three people. I know Blue Anime's mad at us, but I'll have to pull her out again.  
  
Blue Anime: I heard that and no one's pulling me out for anything!  
  
Comet: Guess what? This interview is with the three Links (Ryan, Link and Aaron) and I'm not going to appear! MEEEHEEEE! MEEEHEEE!  
  
Andrea: Right. All the readers can probably tell that you're not going to be in it. You're not a Link, you're a Kirby!  
  
Comet: There's nothing wrong with being a Kirby! And I'm your favorite character!  
  
Andrea: I know.  
  
Lauren: Hey guys, people are going to stop reading this story if we keep having a stupid conversation!  
  
Andrea: You're right! Let's get it on!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Andrea and Lauren managed to get Blue Anime to be the third interviewer. Now they were all at the designated area, getting ready to interview the three Links.  
  
Andrea: Ryan, you have a good pose.  
  
Ryan: …  
  
All: Oooh…three musketeers.  
  
Ryan: …  
  
Link: We're all cool, and we have the same amount of ability points!  
  
Aaron: But you can't really say that for our physical strength!  
  
Lauren: Okay, so who's the strongest?  
  
Link: Depends on what you're talking about. If it's sword fighting, it's me.  
  
Aaron: If you're talking about physical strength, that's me. The Blue Team's extremely popular for our powerful physical strength and our ability to fly.  
  
Link/Aaron: If you mean the ability to frustrate your opponents by not talking back, it's definitely Ryan!  
  
Ryan: …  
  
Blue Anime: Okay then. I have to say one thing. So, who's the cutest here?  
  
Andrea: That was a big mistake Blue Anime.  
  
Lauren: A big one indeed.  
  
Link: Everyone knows that I'm the hottest!  
  
Aaron: How can you say that? We look exactly alike! But if you're the hottest, then I'm the coolest! 1, 2, 3!  
  
All Links: Huah!  
  
Lauren: That's their finishing pose, or taunt.  
  
Andrea: Um…nice dohicky.  
  
All Links: Hoey!  
  
Link: Hey guys, don't forget that I'm still the hottie here!  
  
Lauren: Um…this was a nice interview, but I'm afraid that our time has run out and the battle is almost over, so bye!  
  
The three interviewers ran away five seconds before the battle ended.  
  
Announcer: 3…2…1. Time up!  
  
Because the whole battle was spent interviewing, they had to do a Sudden Death match. During the match, Link killed Aaron.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------  
  
Stupidest Battle #4  
  
Andrea: Yippee! Cheer everyone! This battle is not an interview! Cheer everyone cheer! You know how much you hated those stupid interviews!  
  
Instead of cheering, however, people booed and threw stuff and Andrea, Lauren, Link, and Comet.  
  
Lauren: Hey, hey, hey! Is this any way to treat the broadcasters? If you don't stop right now, then we're not gong to write anymore!  
  
Everyone stopped and Andrea looked at the audience impressed.  
  
Andrea: Wow. You sure know how to make them stop.  
  
Link: Let's get down to business. The next battle is…oh no! I have to fight my brothers again! And this one makes me look more of a freak!  
  
Comet: I'm not in it again. But I wish I was. I'm starting to get really bored.  
  
Andrea: Anyway, we better start the story before the audience starts throwing stuff at us again!  
  
Lauren: Right!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ryan got bopped on the head by Aaron during a fight.  
  
Link: Meanie!  
  
Link got bopped on the head by Aaron too and Link was mad now. Aaron got mad at Link's complaining.  
  
Aaron: Let's finish this off!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Link: See? It makes me look like a freak.  
  
Aaron: But I like it. For two reasons. One, I get to bop everyone, two, I like fighting!  
  
Ryan: I wish I had more to say.  
  
Ian: I'm glad I'm not in here. I hate fighting.  
  
Comet: Oh, you're the typical pacifist Ian. How do you expect to help save Hyrule and to be the fourth Link? You Red Team members are always so nice.  
  
Lauren: Okay, okay, show's over, let's get back to the story.  
  
Andrea: We better. The audience is starting to get restless.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
So they all started punching each other and can you guess who won? Nobody. No one won because they all got killed!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Andrea: Okay that was too short.  
  
Lauren: It's too bad some battles turn out like this.  
  
Comet: Sorry people in the audience, but that's the way it goes!  
  
Audience: BOO!  
  
The audience starts throwing things again at Andrea, Lauren, Comet, and Link.  
  
Lauren: Hey! What did I tell you people?  
  
The audience stops throwing stuff and becomes silent.  
  
Lauren: Good.  
  
Andrea: Stay tuned for SSB News…  
  
Link: …the only channel to see the stupidest SSB battles.  
  
Link passes out from being hit by too many things. 


	7. The Stupidest Battles #5-6

Stupidest Battle #5  
  
Andrea: Hey, we're back again! We had a little bit of a time problem, but now it's Spring Break and we have time to write our stories!  
  
Lauren: Yes, these battles are drawing to a close. We only have two more chapters containing stupidest battles #7-8 and #9-10. Then it'll be over.  
  
Link: Hold it! No, it's not over! Remember the grand finale stupidest battle? That's up last.  
  
Comet: Okay, enough blabbing. Let's get this show on the road!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ryan jumped up and down.  
  
Ryan: This is great. If I keep doing this, nobody's going to hurt me!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ryan: Great. I finally get to say something, but it's in my mind.  
  
Lauren: Don't worry. In the next two battles, you get to say something!  
  
Link: Yes! We get to hear Ryan talk in the match!  
  
Blake: They do get very teed off with you however.  
  
Comet: These little notes in the broadcast take a lot of time.  
  
Everyone except for Comet sweat-drops.  
  
Andrea: You're right! Back to the story!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
As he kept jumping, Aaron started jumping too! What do you know? It was a new fad! But for Link, the fad was stupid.  
  
Link: That's so stupid! I can at least be a hottie! So there!  
  
Link was being very snotty. Who would have ever known Link was snotty like this? Then for no reason, he killed himself. Then for no reason, they all killed each other.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------  
  
Stupidest Battle #6  
  
Link: I don't want to do this! Everyone gets mad at me!  
  
Aaron: It's not in real life. Besides, everyone in the audience is staring at you as if you're an idiot!  
  
Benson: I'd be glad to do it for you, but I'm not in the original SSB, unfortunately.  
  
Lauren: Hey, hey, hey! What's the problem?  
  
Cerin: Link refuses to go out there and I don't blame him.  
  
Andrea: He better. It's almost time for the broadcast!  
  
Comet: Look here Link. I get beat up in one of the stupidest battles BY YOU and I'm not going to back out of it.  
  
Link: You're right. I'm going out there.  
  
Once Link was out of hearing distance, Justin whispered something to Gayle.  
  
Justin: Too bad he doesn't know what's coming in Battle #7.  
  
Gayle: Right.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Aaron wasn't fighting for now. He was just standing there, doing nothing, sort of looking off onto space. However, Ryan and Link were doing something. Fighting. Ryan got really mad at Link when he attacked him and did something astounding. He talked!  
  
Ryan: Link, do you know who you are? You're Linky Winky Sissy Butt!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Link: Hold it! Ryan barely talks in the fights and I got him mad and he calls me Linky Winky Sissy Butt?  
  
Ryan: I don't really get it either. For some reason, the people who work here want me to talk when I'm mad and to stay silent when I'm not.  
  
Comet: That is pe-cu-li-ar.  
  
Andrea: No kidding. Should we get back Lauren?  
  
Lauren: We should. Now back to the broadcast!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Link then got mad at Ryan for calling him Linky Winky Sissy Butt. So Link decided to leave Ryan alone for now and to go bother Aaron. That was a bad idea. When Link attacked Aaron, Aaron got mad and called him a name.  
  
Aaron: Man Link! You stink! P.U.! You should be renamed to Stinky Linky!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lauren: And that's the end of this chapter!  
  
Link: WHAT! That's it? But they're still mad at me!  
  
Andrea: Problems are resolved in the next chapter.  
  
Ryan: Oh I can't wait!  
  
Comet: Hey! Where did everybody go?  
  
The five of them looked around frantically to see that the other color team characters had taken off.  
  
Lauren: Maybe they're taking a lunch break.  
  
Andrea: Right. Stay tuned to SSB News, the only channel where you can find stupid battles like these. 


	8. The Stupidest Battles #7-8

1 Stupidest Battle #7  
  
Lauren: Now the battle's almost over. But we still got some stupid things that'll make you guys flip!  
  
Andrea: And for everyone who's tired of seeing the Links battle each other, be happy! This is the last one with the Links!  
  
Comet: Not much of a battle, I'll call this an insulting contest.  
  
Link: You never told me about this!  
  
Ryan: You never asked.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ryan: You snotty hottie!  
  
When Link, Ryan, and Aaron reached their battle area, those were the first words out of Ryan's mouth. If you remember from the previous battle, Link had gotten Aaron and Ryan mad by attacking them. So now, they were calling Link all sorts of names!  
  
Aaron: You're a smelly marshmallow that's been in the fridge too long!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Comet: A marshmallow? People call Kirby a marshmallow. The insult or comment or whatever people mean by marshmallow won't fit for Link.  
  
Link: That's right! Aaron, why did you call me a marshmallow?  
  
Aaron: (Sweat-drops) Um…look at the time. Gotta go!  
  
Lauren/Andrea: That was weird.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Link: Hmpphh! So you guys are all picking on me!  
  
To Ryan, Aaron, and probably everyone who's reading this' surprise, Link started to cry really loud.  
  
Link: Wahh! I want my momma!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Link: I don't cry! Why are you guys being so mean to me all of the sudden?  
  
Andrea: It's in the script.  
  
Link: Mean old script!  
  
Link slapped the script and tore it up and stomped on it numerous times.  
  
Comet: Look at that. He's such a baby, taking his anger out on a script. Have you heard of anything so stupid?  
  
Lauren: Whatever. Let's get back to the story.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ryan and Aaron sweat-dropped and ran away from him. They ran away from him because they were afraid they'd get in trouble.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------  
  
Stupidest Battle #8  
  
Andrea: In this battle, it's a team battle. It looks like the green team against the red team.  
  
Lauren: You can't really call the red team a team. It's just DK.  
  
Gayle: Do you know what red DK looks like? Meatloaf! Yeck! And green DK looks like none other then…broccoli! Even worse!  
  
Comet: Sure, sure, sure. Don't get all hyper over what the DK's look like.  
  
Link: I'm, in this AGAIN? When do I get a break?  
  
Lauren: In the last stupidest battle, that's when. Personally, the last two are my favorites. Especially the last one. I always laugh at that one. Anyway, let's get it on.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The green team and the red team were fighting against each other. The green team consisted of Minerva, a green Kirby, Tess, Ness wearing green, and Link. Minerva ran up to DK and tried to absorb him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Comet: This is going to be a lo-o-ong day.  
  
Link: I have to admit, this isn't a very exciting battle. If I had to choose the least stupidest battle, I'll announce to the readers, "The award for the most not stupid battle in The Stupidest Battles of SSB, the award goes to…Stupidest Battle #8!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Link ran along with Minerva for a while. Tess ran away from DK because he wanted to get away from him. Minerva was near the edge when DK grabbed onto the edge and was getting up. When DK did get up, he hit Minerva with his butt.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lauren: That's the eighth battle. See? It was stupid and pointless. But did it make anyone laugh? I don't know.  
  
Andrea: Don't worry. The last two stupidest battles are going to be great! They're our favorites.  
  
Link/Comet: Then comes the grand finale! I can't wait! 


	9. The Stupidest Battles #9-10

1 Stupidest Battle #9  
  
Andrea: You know, this is the first time we're ever doing this and I know I'm going to love it already!  
  
Wess: Plus, a return of a little something that was to laugh about.  
  
Link: What? What?  
  
Comet: Sorry Linky, you have to wait!  
  
Link: Why does everyone but me know what it is?  
  
Lauren: It's going to surprise you. Let's start already!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ness, Comet, and Link decided to try something aside from interviews and pointless battles. They finally agreed to have a shield breaking contest, where everyone breaks their shields.  
  
So they all stood where they wanted to be and put up their shields. After some time, the shields popped. After they popped, they were all unconscious.  
  
Ness: Get that barrel out of my face!  
  
After the popped, Ness found a barrel in front of him and he threw it off. Ness started to sleep.  
  
Comet: Wake up!  
  
Ness: Huh? Where am I?  
  
Comet: You're unconscious! That's where you are!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ness: I don't get that joke.  
  
Comet: You want to hear something interesting? I don't understand it either!  
  
Link: Then why'd you say it?  
  
Lauren/Andrea: He was just following the script.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Link: Break it up! Break it up.  
  
In an attempt to stop the two of them, Link interfered in their argument. But maybe he shouldn't have.  
  
Comet: Be quiet Linky Winky Sissy Butt!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Link: WHAT! Is that the thing you guys wouldn't tell me?  
  
Everyone in the studio except Link nods.  
  
Link: I can't believe it! They know I hate that! Why did they do it?  
  
Comet: They knew you hated it, so they put it in.  
  
Link stomped off to have a word with the script writers.  
  
Lauren: Er…back to the story.  
  
Andrea: You don't wanna know what Link's going to do.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Link hated it when Ryan called him Linky Winky Sissy Butt and he couldn't believe Comet was saying that too. Infuriated and angry, Link turned red and he punched Comet. After punching him and beating him up as much as he wanted to, Link grabbed Comet and threw him off the edge.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Link: The script writers wouldn't change it!  
  
Andrea: Doesn't matter. The fight is over.  
  
Link: I don't have to fight anymore! Yay!  
  
Comet: This sucks. I hardly get to fight and I just got beaten up by Link.  
  
Lauren: Life hurts sometimes, Comet.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------  
  
Stupidest Battle #10  
  
Andrea: It's-it's over. This is the last battle in the stupidest battle series.  
  
Lauren: The grand finale is coming, but it's not the same!  
  
Link: I liked these battle so much. I hope it can happen again.  
  
Comet: For crying out loud! You three are acting like it's the end of the world!  
  
Ryan: Uh-huh. He's right. Onto the tenth battle!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Fox, DK, and Mario heard about the shield breaking contests and they got interested. So they went over to a battle area and decided to give the shield breaking contest a try. But after Fox popped, a barrel came down on him.  
  
Fox: Hey, get this barrel out of my face!  
  
DK was being very clumsy. He was holding his head because he had a head attack.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Bishop: I'm certain that the correct word for the that is called a headache.  
  
Lauren: Stop acting like a dictionary Bishop. This is a stupid battle, it's not supposed to make sense in any way or form.  
  
Asteroid: That sort of slipped from my mind.  
  
Andrea: (sweat-drops) Right.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Mario: Oh no! My underwear fell off! It's very expensive and I can't believe I lost it!  
  
After hearing this, DK and Fox decided to be helpful and look for it. But too bad no one knew the truth. Do you know what it was? The truth was, DK was mad at Mario, so he threw it down the building. Bad DK!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Mena: There's something I don't get here. How can underwear fall off during a fight? And overall, Mario wears overalls! He'd have to take off his overalls and then…never mind.  
  
Kasuti: Never mind is right. Who knows…forget it.  
  
Andrea: Man, you guys like talking about things that don't matter or shouldn't be talked about.  
  
Lauren: Whatever. The next battle is the last, so stayed tuned for…  
  
Link/Comet: THE GRAND FINALE!  
  
Andrea: You guys really want to participate in the Grand Finale, don't you?  
  
Link/Comet: Yep!  
  
Lauren: That's going to be on soon, so just keep waiting! 


	10. The Stupidest Battle: The Grand Finale

1 The Stupidest Battle: The Grand Finale  
  
Lauren: Link and Comet bugged us nonstop about this. They're going to love this. And people, this is going to include everyone.  
  
Andrea: Do not try this at home because it is impossible to have twelve people fight at the same time.  
  
Link: If only it was possible. Then we'd really find out who's the best.  
  
Comet: But that'll never happen!  
  
Ryan: This is going to start guys! Shut up!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The last ones up were Mario and DK. Mario had found out the truth about his underwear and now he wanted revenge on DK.  
  
The match started immediately. Mario hit DK with a couple of fireballs. DK was singed. But he started to charge up a Giant Punch. Mario took advantage of this time, jumped down, and performed a Mario Tornado. DK sent the Giant Punch at Mario, but he didn't have enough damage to send him flying away. Mario grabbed DK, swung him around, and threw him out the ring.  
  
In the locker rooms, the others were chatting excitedly about the real Grand Finale, where they get to fight each other.  
  
Fox: This is going to be great! What two do you say is going to win?  
  
Kasuti: Link and Kirby, the authors favor them over the rest of us. Actually, Andrea favors Comet, but Comet is a yellow Kirby.  
  
Jigglypuff: Nah, it's going to be Luigi. He looks like he's ready to tear something up.  
  
Luigi: I'm going to tear you all to pieces! You hear me?  
  
Everyone: Suure.  
  
Ness: I know that Link and Kirby are going to win. It's written all over this story! And the authors' pen name. Comet is a yellow Kirby, you know.  
  
C.F.: If anyone's going to win, Pikachu might. He has been training five days straight.  
  
Kirby: That doesn't prove anything.  
  
Tess: Correct. The authors control this story. They do whatever they want. They can make Pikachu train hard and lose, and they can make Link and Kirby talk all day and win.  
  
Andrea: Right. And we have control over all of you for now because…  
  
Lauren: We're the authors.  
  
Yoshi: You guys are just weak authors! I tell you…  
  
Lauren and Andrea scribbled something down on a piece of paper.  
  
Yoshi: …that I'm stupid, I'm smelly, I like to go down sewer pipes, and I'm a moron. DON'T YOU DO THAT AGAIN, YOU HEAR ME?  
  
Lauren: Loud and clear.  
  
Andrea: Now we're gone. Bye!  
  
Mars: You should never mess with an author or authors Yoshi.  
  
Pikachu: Right. I remember the first time I ever went against what they told me. I don't want to remember it and don't want to do it ever again.  
  
Samus: Come on you slowpokes! The match's started! Boys are so slow.  
  
Boys: HEY!  
  
All the girls giggled and ran out of the locker rooms. Then they all climbed up to the platform where they fought Master Hand.  
  
Announcer: GO!  
  
Samus launched herself at Yoshi. Yoshi jumped up and kicked Samus by coming down. DK knocked Yoshi away from Samus only to be smashed by Mario. Pikachu ran next to Jigglypuff and used Thunder. Jigglypuff screamed as she was sent out of the stadium. Link threw Jigglypuff up in the air and Ness jumped up and kicked Jigglypuff out of the ring.  
  
Announcer: Jigglypuff has been defeated.  
  
C.F. was trying to shake Luigi off him. Kirby absorbed Fox's ability and used his laser several times at the others, keeping them at a distance. Ness jumped to a save distance and used PSI Magnet to recover his health. Kirby realized what was happening and stopped firing the laser. C.F. used Falcon Dive on DK, knocking him away.  
  
Announcer: DK has been defeated.  
  
Ness heard the sound that comes when an item falls from the sky. The Home Run Bat had fallen! Ness dashed over and grabbed the bat. He hit Link with it a couple of times before Link grabbed him with his hookshot and threw him over to Samus. Ness hit Samus with the bat several times. Then abruptly, he turned around and swung the bat at the Mario Brothers, sending them out of the ring.  
  
Announcer: Mario and Luigi have been defeated.  
  
Samus charged up her Charge Shot at a save distance. C.F. was dealing with Pikachu, so she decided to use her attack at the two of them when they weren't paying attention. Yoshi went up to her after she finished charging up and turned her into an egg. When Samus broke out, she hit Yoshi with the Charge Shot instead and sent him out of the ring.  
  
Announcer: Yoshi has been defeated.  
  
Pikachu was getting tired now. A Beam Sword fell in front of him and he ran with it, now encouraged. He hit Fox with the Beam Sword, increasing his damage counter. He then hit Ness, who managed to cling onto the Home Run Bat. Samus then appeared out of nowhere and punched him hard. Pikachu dropped the Beam Sword and Samus picked it up. Pikachu fell out of the ring.  
  
Announcer: Pikachu has been defeated.  
  
With half of the fighters down, the chances of winning increased for the remaining fighters. Samus saw that C.F. had the highest damage, so she went over to him and kicked him up. C.F. just came down and hit her with a Falcon Kick, but Samus managed to keep her ground and kick C.F. out of the ring.  
  
Announcer. Captain Falcon has been defeated.  
  
Ness smacked Fox with the Home Run Bat for a while. Kirby got rid of Fox's ability and sucked up Ness instead. Kirby started using PK Fire on Samus, increasing her damage counter. Link grabbed Kirby with the hookshot and threw him away. Ness used PK Thunder on himself and crashed into Samus, sending her out.  
  
Announcer: Samus has been defeated.  
  
Fox hit Ness with a Reflector attack, sending him flying back into Kirby. Link used a Spin Attack on Fox and sent him flying towards the edge. Ness fought with Kirby and Kirby sent Ness flying next to Fox. Ness kicked Fox off the edge and out of the ring.  
  
Announcer: Fox has been defeated.  
  
This was it. Because there were two winners in the match, it was either going to be Ness, Link, or Kirby. Link ran up to Ness and threw a boomerang at him. Ness just used PK Fire and canceled it out. Kirby sneaked up behind Link and used Final Cutter on him. Kirby turned into a rock after the attack. Link and Ness knew it was pointless to try to attack Kirby as a rock and throwing would leave each other vulnerable. So they just fought each other. Finally, Link used a Spin Attack near the edge and sent Ness out of the ring.  
  
Announcer: Ness has been defeated! The winners this year are Link and Kirby!  
  
Link and Kirby did their victory dance thing while the other fighters clapped. Then they gave each other a high five. But back in the locker room with the color team members…  
  
Comet: See? I said that Link and Kirby were going to win!  
  
Kasuti: I knew that too! But you knew it because you're the authors' assistant and know what's going to happen!  
  
Kess: Shut up! The match is over, end of story.  
  
Wess: So, who's up for a match of our own?  
  
Everyone: Okay! 


End file.
